dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
