I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
