i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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