Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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