Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Drake has all the answers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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