His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
