Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
