mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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