my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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