Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
