I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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