i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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