what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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