Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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