I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
