i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You are the jesus of drinking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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