Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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