he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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