Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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