Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
