I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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