I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
