PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
