i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
