I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
