So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
