Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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