he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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