my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The air was thick with penises
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
