She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
