i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
