just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up backwards on a recliner
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would fuck him just for his dog
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