Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
