i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
