you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
