for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
