Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
