Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize