I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
