I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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