I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
