you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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