I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
