Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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