Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
