HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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