Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
