textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
