Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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