the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize