hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
