I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
