Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
