I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
