I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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