You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
