Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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