you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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