I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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