she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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