K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
