and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
