I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
