I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
