at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
